> netslackers <

madness
-- Sunday, May 23, 2004 --

All conventional methods of reason have failed me. I have wandered the vast realm of cyberspace in vain. I have made lengthy (at least, hours long) trips into the netherworlds, searching for clues. Hints. Anything. The books are bupkis. The talk is trash. I can't find anything alliterative to say about the people, but they aren't helping either. The ultimate question remains unanwered.

Where the fuck am I going to college?

The situation as of 3:00 p.m., Friday, May 21: There was college A. They accepted me. There were colleges B through Z. They did not.

The situation as of 3:01 p.m., Friday May 21: There was college A. They accepted me. There is now college B. They also accepted me. They give me until Monday to decide. In this scenario, B stands for Bastard.

This is where you, the faithful reader(s) of netslackers come in. True to proper netslackers form, I am far too lazy to make this decision myself (slash incapable of arriving at any meaningful decision). Therefore, I invite you to make it for me. But don't worry, I will not leave you floundering alone in the wilderness with nought but your wits. I will provide you with a compass--a list of utterly trivial, ultimately meaningless advantages and disadvantages for each school. It's a dented compass, to be sure, and it points somewhat south-westernly, but I invite you to perserve through the thorns and thistles and bad metaphors and cast your vote in Decision 2004.

Ready go

Advantages:

College A:
-Greater possibilities for joining the Russian mafia
-The type of intellectual stimulation only possible through close contact with a large number of heavily intoxicated libertarians
-Opportunity to reenact favorite wilderness scenes from both "The Sound of Music" and "Lord of the Rings"
-Good food

College B:
-Karmic vibes of oneness with the universe flowing through my being every time I step on campus
-Less likely to go straight from college to Hell
-Access to artifacts of great historical importance that will fetch an excellent price on Ebay
-Possibility of not only reenacting favorite scenes from "Lord of the Rings," but getting course credit for doing so

Disadvantages:

College A:
-The type of intellectual stimulation only possible through close contact with a large number of heavily intoxicated libertarians
-Greater likelihood of unexpectede volcanic eruption covering campus and town in molten lava going unnoticed by outside world for several months
-Frostbite

College B:
-No escape from Massive Persistent Situational Irony Syndrome
-No escape from Ralph Nader
-Crappy food

Or you could be really daring and elect for the ever popular but rarely considered third option:

KIB: Kollege In the Basement

You have the information and you have the power. Votes must be cast within the next twelve hours, or I will be forced to extend the deadline. Go.

> Abby 11:48 PM [108537339362559885]
>

Comments:

B is for bastard and that's good enough for me.

# posted by  KC : May 24, 2004 at 2:04 AM

 

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