> netslackers <

give peece a chance
-- Wednesday, May 05, 2004 --

MJbites: that link was out of my hands by the way
MJbites: i in no way condone it
MJbites: i believe in traditional american values like "no fucking sea mammals even if you're really horny and desperate"

Just as I do not approve of blow-jobs administered by dolphins (see below), President Bush is not a fan of American soldiers unleashing their yellow rivers of justice on Iraqi prisoners. Sadly, while he did mention he was appalled by the pictures illustrating such abuse, he somehow neglected to let the Arab world know he was sorry. At this point, he should really just send all the leaders of terrorist organizations lacey invitations with calligraphy reading, "The United States welcomes you to blow up any structure you feel represents American imperialism at your earliest convenience. No RSVP required. Shabot Shalom! Haha! Just kidding! Allah Akhbar!"

In other news: Interest in netslackers has recently EXPLODED, by which I mean I have manufactured interest by poking my friends repeatedly and reminding them this website exists. Due to its massive popularity, now when you search for the word "netslackers" on Google, the search engine finds a billion webpages belonging to roughly three websites I submitted a link to (seriously, this one portal called "eatonweb" most have us listed on their site at least a few hundred times as a "similar weblog" to various other blogs we are nothing like). There's also a high demand for jobs here at netslackers. We have been inundated with requests (read: two) to join the writing staff. One applicant, Ben Austin, has been asked to fill out 16 forms (consequently it's the same one over and over again, he just has to use differet color crayons for each and answer creatively) and submit a résumé. The other, Eric Glover, had the following conversation with me which automatically disqualifies him --

Sonixnfire: wanna tell me why i'm still online...? i've got a million jon'ts to do
MJbites: you're on drugs?!
Sonixnfire: you heard me.
MJbites: eric. your life does suck, it's true, but that's no reason to turn to drugs. it's a reason to turn to suicide.
Sonixnfire: don't know what i'd do without you, kc
MJbites: <3

Because he caused me to evoke the heart emoticon (a.k.a.: bizarrely shaped phallic symbol), he will be put to death.

Side note: My girlfriend is pro-choice and pro-death penalty leading me to suspect she is, in fact, the Grim Reaper in disguise. This complicates our relationship somewhat. I mean, I love her, but my feelings of affection are tempered somewhat by my fear that she may arbitrarily decide to put an end to my life.

> KC 9:35 PM [108380731215799309]
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