> netslackers <

we are love's bitches
-- Sunday, April 18, 2004 --

Imagine if you will (and you will, damn it) the following scene:

You are annoyed or angry at someone very close to you, say a family member or your significant other. You convey this to the other person by mumbling or making various dismissive comments because you aren't sure you feel like talking (don't worry, I'm going somewhere with this; netslackers has not turned into a personal diary). Finally you manage to conclude the awkward, stumbling conversation and are about to walk away or hang up the phone when whoever it is you're miffed at whips out the big guns in an effort to defuse you. You try to get out of earshot before they can say it or clap your hands over your ears and sing, "LALALALALALALALALA!" but it's too late.

"I LOVE YOU," they say.

They've got you! Now you are in a very difficult position. Yes, it's true, you love them too, but you're pissed off. This is not a point you can concede! Your mind races. WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU DO?!

It's clear you heard what they said so you can't just ignore the comment. There's nothing you can do. So you say under your breath, "I love you too," with as much enthusiasm as one might expect from someone who is forced to announce to the world that they still wear Pampers Easy Ups.

But wait! There's another option after all! If you're on the phone when your loved one pulls this stunt on you, simply blurt out the following: "OH MY GOD! I'VE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED AND MUST HANG UP THE PHONE IMMEDIATELY TO SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION!" There's nothing they can say to that.

Similarly, if you're talking to them face to face and they say, "I love you," look off into the distance and furrow your eyebrows as if in a deep, worried concentration. Then open your eyes wide in shock and shout, "There is treachery afoot! Someone needs my help! Spectacular Man is off . . . . FOR JUSTICE!"

At this point if you happen to be wearing a shirt with buttons, try ripping it open dramatically and fly away.

Using this strategy, you no longer have to admit that you love whoever it was you were arguing with and you have avoided doing damage to your relationship at the same time! Don't thank me. I'm just doing my job.

> KC 12:39 PM [108230638227767068]
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