> netslackers <

pitty is your friend
-- Monday, March 22, 2004 --

Yes, this is my super hot girlfriend. How have I managed to keep her with me for almost nine months now? It's a little something I like to call "THE PITTY ATTACK." When I get the feeling she's losing interest in me, I sink into a fake depression and threaten suicide. It works every time.

Some of you may not be as good at "THE PITTY ATTACK" as I am. To such people I say practice makes perfect. Try it on your disobedient dog first. Command it to sit. When it completely ignores you, begin crying uncontrollably and seemingly inconsolably. If you find you can't make yourself cry, try stabbing yourself in the eye with a fork. Assuming your dog has any sense of decency whatsoever, it will immediately sit down in front of you because of its overwhelming sense of guilt. Or perhaps it's just relaxing to enjoy the entertainment you provide flopping around on the floor as you slip on your own tears, much as you yourself park your lard-ass in front of the television for reruns of whatever TV show it is where people do something similar to that.

If you have any questions about "THE PITTY ATTACK," direct them to Branden and Chris. They have far more experience in it than I do.

> KC 8:51 PM [108000671531259399]
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