> netslackers <

-- Sunday, February 29, 2004 --

My how time flies when you're deranged and can't sleep!

I realize my last update left you on quite a cliffhanger. This was unfair and wrong of me. I personally dislike it when my favorite television adventures are interrupted by the words "To be continued" or my local news affiliate breaking in to announce that a tornado is headed in our general direction as long as "our general direction" means "three states to our west." As you all know by now, I was without heat and quickly dying of hypothermia. I'm sure you're all excited to know how this riveting ordeal concluded, but first, I must bring you an

Ad update: There are still no ads for pornography or videos of cops chasing down minority suspects posted above this message. We're all praying one day this site will be graced with their presence.

And now the conclusion of the heater story: I didn't die of hypothermia and I now have warm air.

THE END.

Also, here is a picture of a hat that looks like a cow and a picture of a man who will never get a date even if he pays for one. I hope you like them.

> KC 3:20 AM [107804281384770810]
> (0) comments

What?! You thought I'd give up on my quest to post once every hour so prematurely?! Clearly you have underestimated the power of my insomnia.

Clearly I have overestimated my ability to come up with something to write so often.

I did notice that, according to a post I made exactly a year and two days ago, Fred "Mr. Rogers" Rogers died exactly . . . a year and two days ago. As I write these words, I am sobbing uncontrollably and also looking up how to spell "uncontrollably" because I always get confused about what to do with the "e" that adverbs that end in "ly" normally have at the end when they aren't adverbs. Mr. Rogers was a great man.

Added super-value bonus special!: My heater is blowing cold air on me. Perhaps this would account for why I am not currently warm and toasty, two conditions the heater's box promised to deliver to me. A kind, benevolent God would not allow this to occur.

See you in 60 minutes!

> KC 2:17 AM [107803906199858256]
> (0) comments

Ok, so my new goal is to post something new EVERY HOUR FROM NOW UNTIL THE DAY I DIE.

Now I've never gone back on my word and I always strive to attain my goals, so I either have to go through with this now or fake my own death and move to Honduras where I can start a new life in a country inhabited by citizens unaware I have made this promise.

My train of thought has derailed and is unlikely to be rerailed anytime in the near future so for now i will allow the train to continue chugging through the forests and various roads adjacent to the tracks until it hits a brick wall or a police blockade and explodes.

There are ads above this page. I'm sure you've all noticed them. Our host rips words from our posts and uses them to taylor ads to our site. For instance, the ads I'm looking at right now have to do with hotels in Rockville because someone wrote something about Rockville earlier on. These ads are boring. If we're going to have ads on our page and not reap the profits, we should at least have interesting ads. That's why I am now going to include a list of words that will hopefully make the ads entertaining: porn, porn, porn, action, adventure, porn, free money, the world's greatest police chases, mystery and intrigue.

I'll let you know if the results are positive.

> KC 1:21 AM [107803568210955212]
> (0) comments

The lazy man's way out of creating a new entry to avoid having his website labled dead is to post an instant message conversation. This also makes the poster a jerk, because no one likes reading online conversations. Nonetheless.

KC: i have run out of websites to look at
KC: what am i going to do?!
Branden: build your own?
KC: boooooooooring
KC: i need an exciting new webpage that will keep me engrossed for hours until i fall asleep from sheer exhaustion
Branden: big-moco.com
KC: i knew that would be your suggestion, so i crafted this carefully worded response in reply . . . let me just copy it over from ms word where i prepared it:
KC: no.
Branden: oh snapple
KC: indeed.

It wasn't even a very good conversation. Oh God, I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you all, I swear! Here! I'll, uh, link to this amusing picture of something i don't understand.

HA! Wasn't that hilarious?! Please?

One day I will post something funny, and on that day, I WILL RULE THE WORLD!

> KC 12:25 AM [107803233624237485]
> (0) comments