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-- Friday, April 18, 2003 --

Today I thought I'd explore the terrifying world of parodies.

If you've ever logged onto the Internet, no doubt you've stumbled upon more than your fair share of parodies. You forward them to your friends who in turn forward them to their friends who in turn forward them back to you. By about the eighth time you've received that hi-larious link to a picture of President Bush in a "PlasterCard" ad with a caption that reads something like, "Having a dad that used to be President -- Priceless," you're about ready to hurl the nearest heavy and preferably breakable item at the monitor. Yes, it was funny. But it doesn't quite have the same appeal once your inbox is filled with messages titled, "Re: LOL!!!!11 Funny Picture of 'President' Bush!!!"

With this in mind, I'd like to bring a few "fresh" parodies to the table. Note: I'd also like to point out that I realize I'm typing a lot of text in "quotes." This is to make my writing appear more "sophisticated."

I must warn you, these parodies are not remotely funny. They're all stupefying obvious and/or badly executed. Over the next several days, weeks, or months (depending on how often I update) I'll hook you, the reader, up with horrible puns and tasteless jokes that some how pass for parodies on the Internet. So fasten your seatbelts because you're in for a very unpleasant ride.

Case Study 1: Ghettopoly
It was bound to happen eventually. In fact, I'm not sure it hasn't been done before. I'm talking about a Monopoly game board featuring the various highlights of the ghetto rather than of the corporate world. That's right, now instead of buying Boardwalk you can purchase Ling Ling's Massage Parlour or Smitty's XXX Peepshow. Ghettopoly is endorsed by popular entertainer "Rusta Rhyme" (you know, Rusta Rhyme, Busta Rhyme's semi-retarded younger brother) who informs us "da game is ill." Unfortunately, the game can accommodate only "2 to 7 Playas" so don't have your whole posse over on a Friday night to play because there simply won't be enough game pieces.



Here, word for word and typos intact, is how Ghettopoly.com describes the game:

Buying stolen properties, pimpin hoes, building crack houses and projects, paying protection fees and getting car jacked are some of the elements of the game. Not dope enough?...If you don't have the money that you own to the loan shark you might just land yourself in da Emergency Room.

That's right folks, if you fail to pay off your fake debts with fake money, especially if you "own" a lot to someone, you just might end up in the intensive care unit of your local hospital.

Contents: Game Board, Loan Shark Tray, 40 Crack Houses, 17 Projects, Pink Slip Cards, Ghetto Stash and Hustle Cards, 7 Game pieces (Pimp, Hoe, 40 oz, Machine Gun, Marijuana Leaf, Basket Ball and Crack), Counterfeit Money, and 2 Dice.

What? You didn't know basket ball was two words? It amazes me how ignorant today's youth is. Oh, and, excuse me, but I believe The Onion once pointed out that the politically correct term is "crack home."

Well, that's all for now. If you've found a horrible parody on the Internet and you feel the men and women of the world have a right to know about it so they can studiously avoid all links leading to said parody, let us know.


> KC 2:00 AM [92823513]
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