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-- Wednesday, December 03, 2003 --
Get your party hats out folks 'cause I'm back. Again. Have I used that line before?
So, today I smashed my car in and I did it in the exact spot I smashed my car in last year. There's something about yield signs that just doesn't get through to me.
It's strange that you can slam into someone’s car and not realize what you've done until 15 seconds later. My hand looks like it's been burned from the impact of the airbag against it. DAMN those things are fast. I didn't even really notice when it deployed until I looked in front of me and found it deflated like Michael Jackson's career against the steering wheel (please, comedy gods, forgive me this transgression).
The great thing about hitting trucks is that they are indestructible. The result is that the only car you have to pay for damages to is your own . . . though you’re lucky if you don’t find your engine in the passenger’s seat or lodged in your skull.
The guy I hit was nice enough. He didn’t get out and scream at me for being a mental fuckup. All he did was ask if I was all right and then give me driving tips. “Don’t look away from the road.” Ah, so that’s where it all went wrong.
I couldn’t help but notice someone was tailgating me as I drove home with the airbag in my lap, the front of the car smooshed in like Michael Jackson’s nose (har!) and the windows down so I wouldn’t have to breathe in all the powder that spilled out with the airbag. I nearly turned around and shouted, “BITCH! Does this really look like the kind of driver you want to be fucking with?” I should have slammed on the breaks to make the back match the front.
I’ve been in two accidents now. Here are my statistics:
Win-Loss record: 0-2
Fatalities: 0
Batting average/blood alcohol level at the time of the accidents: .000
Amount I, personally have paid for all the destruction: $0.00
Amount certain other family members have paid for all my destruction: Much more
Amount I’ll have to pay for car insurance in the not too distant future: HOLY FUCK!
And . . . I'm out. BOOYA!
> KC 7:09 PM [107049395612844434]
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